You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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