I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This is my gift to your gina
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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