I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
