Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
