the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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