mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
