if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
