He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
