is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
