hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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