she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
