I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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