did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
