brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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