I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
