My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
