I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize