it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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