I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
