i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
