Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he thought i was a dude.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
