nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
pray to the hookup gods
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
