I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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