her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
