I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
