dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
