32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
