I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
