Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
