Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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