I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
