I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish you could order shots online.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
