party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Come see our sink grown plant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
