Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize