it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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