I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Randomize
