You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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