im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
