Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
