he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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