and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize