He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
