I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize