i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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