i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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