I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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