Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
