Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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