i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
