Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
