I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize