Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize