if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
