Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
