careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
