Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
