there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
