Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
