my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My feet surprised me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
