spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize