Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
