He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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