Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
