oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize