beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
