Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How external is "for external use only"?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I love you. Go after that dick
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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