This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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