I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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