I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this just has baby written all over it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
