She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
