i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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