Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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