omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
