My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
