Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
