Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
