he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
