best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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