I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
