Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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