He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
