I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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